the grass is always greener on the other side

jealousy is a creepy little thing that shows up when you for one reason or another start to see the glass as half empty rather then half full. it happens to me right after the discouragement, just before the regret shows up. the pattern seems to be that something happens that discourages me, usually something that make me feel like i'm not good enough, like i have failed in one way or another. then after that, the discouragment comes, i get that dark, depressing feeling, like i'm sinking, like there is nothing to be happy about, like nothing can help me. thats about when the hopelessness sets in. if all this came from another person, this is usually when i will start to fight them, hoping anger and rebellion could distract me from the discourgement long enough that i wont have to experience what comes next. if i dont get off the path at this point, it inevitablily leads now to regret. i begin to regret my life, the decisons i have made, the timing of everything. thinking that everything should be different then it is. unfortunatley, this is where i find myself right now at this moment. i know how i got here, and i guess i do know how to get out, its simple enough, but still i find that i lack the strength or maybe just the motivation to leave.